Greetings.... you have stumbled upon the hidden "workings" of my mind buried deep within my website.. here you will find passion, deceit, anger, and the rest of the really intense emotion. So enjoy!
RUN, SLEEP, CREATE, LIVE!
NOW IN BLOG FORM!!!
http://mymindsdustycorner.blogspot.com/
2.Oct.2005
a very strange thing happen to me about an hours ago. I ran into rebecca lane (well that is not her name any longer.... she is now married) it was really heart wrenching... i don't love her anymore. but it still hurts. and i haven't seen melody for a couple of days. i really miss her. i wish i could just sit down and talk with her right now. seeing Becca has really messed with my head. i feel like crying and i don't really know why. it probably has something to do with how much it took to get over her. i went through several neverous break-downs trying to get over her. that is probably why it freaked me out. it was nice to see her and know she is doing well. although i was not worried about her. she is a smart girl and has found her match.
Damn i miss melody. i talked with her breifly after seeing Becca, but it was on the phone and i was about to go into the store. she is the first girl that has actually made me forget about Becca. i am so fucking scared right now. i finally found someone whom i can go camping with and i don't think of Becca.. i want to cry so bad right now. Dare i say it i love Melody. and if she hurts me i will lose it.... i don't want to be gaurded emotionally but she is so busy right now that i have to be. i don't want to fall into that habit, but i don't know how i will survive another heart break. DAMN this is fucking scary. i have only known Melody a few weeks. i can still count the number of days we have hung out together on one hand. and i am already this... shall we say "in love" but she is a really special girl. she makes me happy... and i miss her. even if i don't see her for one fucking day! what is the deal!!!
and to top if off. i don't know how much i will see melody before i leave for over three weeks. i don't know if she will be able to "squeeze" me into her schedule. i hope so. i just wish and hope to see her and talk with her. if i guess i have no idea what will happen with this relationship.. i am sure even if we do stay together there will be a lot of passion.... but there will also be a lot of pain. it is impossible to have one without the other. i wouldn't want it any other way... i like the extremely... hence one of the reasons i love seasons the bitter cold of winter,, and the blazing heat of summer... there is something beautiful in every emotion. .... thanks for listening.... well i need to clean for the dinner party...
16.sep.2005
being laid off is great. i don't have to get up in the morning, i get to enjoy the weather, and play with the dog too. well the two girls worked itself out... sort of... Cindi (the one with the kid) well she met some one else (which is probalby better but i am still a little bummed out she was a lot of fun!) and rachel... well she is never around so i have seen her only a couple times... such is life. on the plus side i did meet another beautiful girl! her name is Melody... a very interesting woman. and she is beautiful!!!! i was suspposed to go to the beach today with her... but it is a little cold. maybe we can go anyway and let the dogs play. Life is quite interesting at the moment... i might even be a teacher... (of sorts)
1.sep.2005
wow a lot has been going on... i am not sort of seeing two different girls, and i like them both. although i am not sure if they both like me. i guess we will just have to wait and see. so thing are going well on that end. the ex is really annoying me, she call as says "i want take your dog for a walk..." not hello, how are you, would you like to go for a walk around the area... just "i want take your dog for a walk..." she is kind of dense sometimes... but she is still quite nice no matter how miss guided.
11july,.2005
not much has changed... i am still looking... although i feel as though my world are starting to merge... work and play ... the people who i know are slowly meeting everyone else or maybe i am meeting them... either way it is kind of weird. i had a dream last night about a sex party... the weird part was that i was more interested in cuddling than anything else... i guess i am feeling a little lonely... oh well what am i to do? just wait and hope for the best i guess.
anyhow... i have fallen in love with a website. post secret. i think you will understand.....
22june,.2005
arg... i am really sexually frustrated... i am anxious to love some one. i want to do so many romantic things... but i don't have anyone that i can shower... or that i really want to shower.. but that is okay, i guess. i don't NEED some one .... but damn it would be nice. who know how it will work out... i am still optomistic. sail and a new puppy are enough... for now... although some mad PASSIONATE!! sex would be great!
23.april.2005
i know exactly what i am looking for... i just don't know how to find it. i am anxious. i am happy. and i will keep looking. life happens.... be ready
12.april.2005
i just don't know...
somedays i really want a girlfriend.. others there is no way in hell... but i still like them... hmmm... . oh well. i am a little disappointed with myself... imade out with a girl at the bar.. i don't like to do that... it should be a private matter... i the corner is one thing.. but in the middle of the dance floor!! come on... just becasue i was really drunk.. that is not excuse!!! oh well.. . such is life... and it was fun! so whatever~!
08.april.2005
well life is pretty crazy..., sometimes i just want to give up and say no... but then i get outside and see the splendor.. i rejunivates me. i can't wait to go to colorado. tonight at the bar, mike was lusting over a girl and i don't blame him. she was cute. but is it wrong to prusue a girl that a friend likes? it kind of ends it for the friend... or maybe not.. i think that might be how my rebecca lane end up meeting her husband... i am kind of saddened by that fact... she was a wonderful girl... she just didn't make me feel like i was a better person for being with her... not that she was mean but.. well anyway.. i do still miss her... and i miss jill too... the name only still envokes stronge feelings.
oh and i put the ice cream in the frid... not the freezer and i wasn't even drunk or drinking....
well such is life!
03.april.2005
well rebecca says she gets it now.... we will see... but i think she does. she is reacting different. i am amazed. i am enjoying being single... i seem to fit.... although i would really like to have some one i can trust forever! maybe someday.
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well there is yet another ex-girlfriend to add to the list.. some day i will find the ONE... right? if not oh well. i guess i am susposed to be alone! no one to get in my way that then!
ARGGG...
at least Emily understands me... she would be a great girlfriend if on ly i were attracted to her. don't get me wrong. she is damn beautiful! but she & i are quite different.
any way...
is there really a thing as a fear to commit? or is it more a fear she isn't the right one.? or is that the same thing? hmm... somthing to thing about.
the only thing you thing you need to have a successful relationship is the commitment to make it work right?